Oh, Horrors: Part II

Way back, when I was just a child of ten, I would have starved for horror cinema if not for the Ramsay brothers. And the Zee Horror Show, whatever people think about it, proved to be my only hope of sustenance in an otherwise insipid life.
Well, you would say ... the show was terrible! Couldn’t agree with you more, but back then I did not even know who Freddy Krueger was. I still remember looking forward to Friday night throughout the week, waiting for the silver screen to burst into creepy blue and the words ‘Shyam and Tulsi Ramsay present..’ sail across it.
Now, all the Zee Horror... episodes hinged on one universal storyline, which generally went like this: Geeta (Names change. Different episodes would have different girls with different names — but all are essentially stupid) is a pretty, happy-go-lucky village girl. But then, on the other side of the village live three men who, though quite strong, have a few weaknesses — one of which is ‘nice’ country women who wear embroidered skirts and hop-skip-n-jump around the paddy fields all night.
So there, Rosie gets manhandled and murdered. The third night after the crime, she returns with sharper fangs and longer fingernails. A few YAAARGHs, AAAAAHs, NAAAAHHHIIIIs and BACHAAAAOs later, justice is served and the lady’s spirit is free to leave.
Of course, there were a few I liked, but back then I was too naive to know that they were direct lifts from classic Hollywood flicks. For instance, take Dahshat — an episode which has this guy discover that his new neighbour is actually a bloodthirsty vampire. The truth, however, dawned on me only last year, when I descended upon Fright Night while searching for something to watch on the idiot box.
But, well, I still liked Dahshat better — maybe because the vampire in the copy was a lady, and a stunning one at that. (Check this one out, Everyman!)
Then there was Taveez, which was quite an uninspiring copy of The Monkey Bone (the short story; not the stupid Brendan Fraser-starrer), but considering that I did not know that such a tale even existed, I loved it.
Well, anyways... enough of the desi stuff.
Another Hollywood horror I really liked was Frailty, starring Matthew McConaughey. Now, this was more a psychological thriller than an actual one with gargoyles and vampires romping around — but — the very premise of the movie, which had this ‘God-fearing’ dad trying to make his two kids help him chop off people’s heads, was quite chilling. Very chilling, indeed. Once the movie was done, switching off the lights and trying to get some sleep proved to be quite a tough task.
At this point, I must tell you about an alleged horror flick I saw yesterday — Alien vs Predator. It was only through sheer willpower that I managed to watch it till the very end and everytime I tried sparing myself the misery, my mind went back to the time when Everyman sat through two hours of American Cyborg-Steel Warrior and then wrote an entire post on it. If he could, I could too. And I had some booze to help me through it.
The acting, I must say, was terrible. Especially that of the Afro-American actress, who seemed to have a more dead-pan expression than her Predator companion (with his iron helmet on, of course), and, for that matter, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
And yes, the storyline was crap too.
Now, coming back to good ones in the genre, I particularly liked Dawn of the Dead and Night of the Living Dead. Maybe because I got some kind of a soft spot for zombies.
Zombies aren’t wicked, they don’t plot — for heaven’s sake... they don’t think either, because whatever’s left of their grey matter is pure rot. No, all they want is their fundamental right to food — which lies under your skin. Lovable creatures, aren’t they?
The following are my favourite horror movies. The first two I may have already mentioned ... here are the rest.
1. The Sixth Sense
2. Psycho
4. Dawn of the Dead
5. Invasion of the Body Snatchers
6. Misery
7. The Shining
8. The Omen (Not the new one — EWW!)
9. The Exorcism of Emily Rose
10. Hour of the Wolf

P.S. I wanted to mention a movie called Dead End in my post, but took pity on ol’ Nandhu — bless his dear soul.

Oh, horrors!

The lady runs into the forest, her clothes flapping in the dark night air. And though you know she is doomed, you hold your breath waiting for the inevitable.
And then, it happens. Vines swoop down from scary-looking trees, grabbing her by the legs. Similar monstrosities appear, pinning the screaming person to the ground and soon, all you can see are her eyes glowing with fear.
But no... wait! The vines are parting her legs now, while one particular vine mischieviously hovers in the air like a snake readying for the kill. Wonder what is it up to...
And the next moment, a shriek ensues even as an older person's hand quickly covers your eyes. And the moment is lost.

Evil Dead was my first scary movie ever, and it was this very flick that made me the horror freak that I am. And so impressed was I by the entire package — the shrieking ladies, the trapdoors wrapped in heavy iron chains and the delightfully musical demons — that I just had to watch it again, a week ago.Which, quite understandably, was a tame affair.
The demons, so alive and horrifying in my memory, looked more like fat geezers covered in wet flour; the actors seemed to be performing in some pre-school drama and the special effects were... well, I had seen better in Shaktimaan.
Well, maybe I am overdoing it. It wasn’t all that bad, actually — especially if you compare it with stuff like Decadent Evil and well, my all-time non-favourite, Child’s Play. But then, expectations are bad things... and if movies don’t live up to it, they might as well die.
Or maybe it’s because things change, and even more so — your idea of horror. When I was a kid, even Shyam Ramsay could use one of his lame zombies to scare the shit out of me and my idea of terror was generally a sari-clad woman, equipped with bloody canines and a candle, singing pathetic songs about ‘undying’ love.
Watched Psycho at a little over 12 and I, for the life in me, could not understand why my co-viewers were trembling just because a lady (Janet Leigh, I know now) was doing something similar on the other side of the screen. And, naah, the psycho was just too lean to be scary.
Fast-forward till a couple of years ago, when I sat through (make that trembled through) Psycho once again. This time I could understand everything — including how good the acting was — and was in the danger of making my fingernails the movie-time snack. Times had changed, yes... but my love for horror movies hadn’t.
If you ask me what my favourite movie in this genre is, I would say... The Sixth Sense. Now, there are many who would object - say that it is actually a thriller and stuff. But this, I opine, is hogwash! Anything that is capable of sending a shiver up my spine, I would say is ‘horror cinema’.
Now, that particular scene in which Cole sees a lady sneaking into the kitchen, after he’s taken a leak - man, that was scary! It made the hair on my head reach for the moon and I shrieked out so bad, I had to look around to see if anybody in the theatre had been disturbed.
But no.. luckily, they were too busy doing their own shrieking to notice.
Another notable one was The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Now, saying that this movie is one of your personal favourites is not going to make you very popular. Many of my friends insist that it made them laugh. And yeah, my fellow members of the audience were also guffawing away while I was busy trying to tame my nerves.
Don’t know why. Maybe they thought Emily’s contorted face (whenever she got possessed) looked funny. Or maybe they were just trying to hide their fear behind hollow sounds of pleasure.

(To be continued)