For those who have come in late, I am the world's greatest comic buff.I devoured my first Batman comic when I was five and at seven, the Spectre was my imaginary friend. And, believe it or not, the Punisher and Spider-man were on my bedroom wall much before Axl Rose could even venture into the territory.
And no, I ain't boasting. Being an all-day sucker for them freakos in tights 'n' underwear is nothing to be proud of... or so my dad says. Well, maybe he's right, maybe he's not ... but I still swear by Jim Lee.
Anyways, at ten I was making up my own superheroes. Which is what I would like to yap about...
My first biggie was Floating Man, who possessed the amazing ability to float wherever he goes. But hey, asked the sceptics (well, my world is full of them), isn't he going to do anything about 'em land-lubber scum? And what do they have in the water anyway, except for those annoying squid and octopus thingies?
Well, I had an answer for them too. Floating Man could actually summon water from oceans and seas to get rid of the criminal element in Goodville city. So... picture this.
The evil Dr Scorb is at the local bank, brandishing his lazer gun and ordering all the old clerks to throw their he hearties into a solar-powered multi-pronged gooby bag. But then, tarantaraaaa! It's Floating Man to the rescue!
Thar he comes, floating down the street on waters borrowed from seas as far as the one in Mesopotamia (Didn't know how to spell that then, don't know how to spell that now). And when our hero gets close enough to the wretched villain (who, incidentally, does not know how to swim) he launches a swift kick right on where-it-hurts-the-most. And well, the rest is history ... the villain never has children, goes to jail and Floating Man is kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed by pretty pretty girls.
But then, there was the problem. The rivers and seas and oceans that had come rushing its way into the bank has caused more harm than Dr Scorb could ever unleash in a lifetime. And Floating Man, in the face of millions of lawsuits and hate mails, decides to retire and spend the rest of his life playing second mate to the hermit crab.
So, that was that.
There were many others too, including Snakeman, Divinity (this one gets her powers from Zeus/ quite interesting) and Black Thunder, who never found their way out of the drawing board. After years and years came my biggest superhero till date - Major Paine!
Now, people tell me there's a movie with the same name (but spelt differently: P..A..Y..N..E). But have no worries... my Major has nothing that's remotely similar to the clown in that one.
Well, Major Paine is this dude in black mask, black cape, black boots and (undoubtedly) black underwear to match the rest. And he has absolutely no powers - except for some marked expertise in the art of fisticuffs. But then, he has righteousness by his side.
Major Paine's nemesis is Dr Watson Evil and he is always plotting on ways to take over the universe. And everytime our hero crashes in through the roof, Dr Watson Evil says, "Ahh! You are a major pain!"
And Major Paine, with a twinkle in his eyes, says:" Elementary, my dear Watson."
(To be continued....)
