Oh, Horrors: Part II

Way back, when I was just a child of ten, I would have starved for horror cinema if not for the Ramsay brothers. And the Zee Horror Show, whatever people think about it, proved to be my only hope of sustenance in an otherwise insipid life.
Well, you would say ... the show was terrible! Couldn’t agree with you more, but back then I did not even know who Freddy Krueger was. I still remember looking forward to Friday night throughout the week, waiting for the silver screen to burst into creepy blue and the words ‘Shyam and Tulsi Ramsay present..’ sail across it.
Now, all the Zee Horror... episodes hinged on one universal storyline, which generally went like this: Geeta (Names change. Different episodes would have different girls with different names — but all are essentially stupid) is a pretty, happy-go-lucky village girl. But then, on the other side of the village live three men who, though quite strong, have a few weaknesses — one of which is ‘nice’ country women who wear embroidered skirts and hop-skip-n-jump around the paddy fields all night.
So there, Rosie gets manhandled and murdered. The third night after the crime, she returns with sharper fangs and longer fingernails. A few YAAARGHs, AAAAAHs, NAAAAHHHIIIIs and BACHAAAAOs later, justice is served and the lady’s spirit is free to leave.
Of course, there were a few I liked, but back then I was too naive to know that they were direct lifts from classic Hollywood flicks. For instance, take Dahshat — an episode which has this guy discover that his new neighbour is actually a bloodthirsty vampire. The truth, however, dawned on me only last year, when I descended upon Fright Night while searching for something to watch on the idiot box.
But, well, I still liked Dahshat better — maybe because the vampire in the copy was a lady, and a stunning one at that. (Check this one out, Everyman!)
Then there was Taveez, which was quite an uninspiring copy of The Monkey Bone (the short story; not the stupid Brendan Fraser-starrer), but considering that I did not know that such a tale even existed, I loved it.
Well, anyways... enough of the desi stuff.
Another Hollywood horror I really liked was Frailty, starring Matthew McConaughey. Now, this was more a psychological thriller than an actual one with gargoyles and vampires romping around — but — the very premise of the movie, which had this ‘God-fearing’ dad trying to make his two kids help him chop off people’s heads, was quite chilling. Very chilling, indeed. Once the movie was done, switching off the lights and trying to get some sleep proved to be quite a tough task.
At this point, I must tell you about an alleged horror flick I saw yesterday — Alien vs Predator. It was only through sheer willpower that I managed to watch it till the very end and everytime I tried sparing myself the misery, my mind went back to the time when Everyman sat through two hours of American Cyborg-Steel Warrior and then wrote an entire post on it. If he could, I could too. And I had some booze to help me through it.
The acting, I must say, was terrible. Especially that of the Afro-American actress, who seemed to have a more dead-pan expression than her Predator companion (with his iron helmet on, of course), and, for that matter, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
And yes, the storyline was crap too.
Now, coming back to good ones in the genre, I particularly liked Dawn of the Dead and Night of the Living Dead. Maybe because I got some kind of a soft spot for zombies.
Zombies aren’t wicked, they don’t plot — for heaven’s sake... they don’t think either, because whatever’s left of their grey matter is pure rot. No, all they want is their fundamental right to food — which lies under your skin. Lovable creatures, aren’t they?
The following are my favourite horror movies. The first two I may have already mentioned ... here are the rest.
1. The Sixth Sense
2. Psycho
4. Dawn of the Dead
5. Invasion of the Body Snatchers
6. Misery
7. The Shining
8. The Omen (Not the new one — EWW!)
9. The Exorcism of Emily Rose
10. Hour of the Wolf

P.S. I wanted to mention a movie called Dead End in my post, but took pity on ol’ Nandhu — bless his dear soul.